Why I'd like to have a dragon (just like every other sane person would)

10 reasons why somebody should give me a dragon egg, for my birthday:

1. Dragons are animals with intelligence and character (and everybody knows that I could do with more of those two qualities).
2. They don't shed, which makes my job easier (everybody knows how lazy I am).
3. Animals and I love each other (everybody knows how awesome I am).
4. Dragons can defend themselves and can hurt people who want to hurt to hurt them thus making it unnecessary for me to join the PETA (everybody knows what they do. Personally, however, I'd rather take people's skins for stupidity than animal's skins for fashion)
5. I LOVE TOOTHLESS! (like everybody should)
6. They hatch out of eggs... which makes them easier to watch when they're being born... and well they don't hurt anybody in the process of being born.
7. Dragons are non-vegetarian which makes it easier for both of us (I don't need to spend extra on special food like I would have to if I had a dog.. or a gold-fish not to mention that everybody could do away with a pesky relative once in a while)
8. They breathe fire and are good companions for the winter  (everybody could do with some warmth then. Firewood, anyone? ).
9. They could let me travel to work without polluting the environment (just like everybody 'wants' to).
10. They live for a long time (we're talking centuries here, by the way) and I could share my dragon (with whoever it wants to go to) after I'm gone.. (so please get me an egg?)

P.S. get me a black or blue one, please. No red, green, or yellow ones.

Also, those of you who haven't watched How to Train your Dragon -
GET GOING ALREADY!! WHAT ARE YOU  DOING HERE?!!

Blah.

So this is what loneliness feels like. Or is it loneliness?
What exactly is this feeling? Nostalgia? Despair? Regret? and then the night feeling empty.  Is "loneliness" the word for it?
Whatever it is, it doesn't feel nice.

It isn't even 3 in the afternoon for crying out loud.And yet this heavy dark feeling.

Sheesh. I guess this is what happens when what you valued as family dissolves into one mushy blob, and slips down the drain when you're watching.

Who would have thought that those I considered closer than anything else would just fade into the darkness? Why didn't anybody tell me that people would fade away like the morning mist and leave me wondering if it was all just a dream?

Why stay and calm me down? Why ward off the demons of the night ; help me fight nightmares, and get my back if you were just going to leave?

How do I answer those questions when even the ghosts of your presence have long become ghosts of a mischievous mind?

What I'm about

Please dont let me go

This song tells it all.
and yes, I mean it.

Nothing else. All I need is for Someone to never let me go.
and the best part? He just doesn't.

When He's around, I never seem to realize His worth... but both He and I know that i can't do shit without Him.
I cant breathe.
I can't think.

I need Him to survive.

This heart. This brittle heart, that's full of cracks already... This swollen ego that was born out of hurt, this over-cautious head... All of it is holding on only because I know He's holding me together.

So this is for the One who made the stars in all their glory,
and watches them fade away in space.
This one is for the One who's more than just Holy,
and keeps me through the pain.
Who never lets me go.
Who loves me more than mere words can explain.

'Cause He keeps me together. And just doesn't let me go.

Sometimes, you just need to listen to yourself.

Especially when you're depressed, or insanely frustrated, and you know that there are people, who, in the "traditional" sense, would be the best people to go to in such a situation. Like a parent. Or a sibling.

Now you know this isn't a good idea, but you want to try it out anyway, and you scold yourself because you're supposed to feel at ease with them, right?
You're supposed to feel all better when you belt it all out to family, cause that's how it's supposed to work! You remind yourself that that's what the "instruction manual" says.

And so you start sayin something, and you only get sucked into the vortex of meaningless banter that ends up with you being blamed and reminded of all things absurd and completely unrelated to you at this point of time. You pray for the patience to be able to put up with all the noise. Your frustration and dismal depression increases exponentially with the duration of the "family-time chat".
You curse the instruction manual, they guy who wrote it, and tear it to pieces in your head.

You swear, and swear to never call again. You also swear to listen to yourself.


So you go home and write a post on your blog that will never let you forget that you are wiser than your head.


Don't you ever let me forget, love.

The Melancholy of Ruby Paulson

And so, I'm getting there.
What is it called... you know.. when you like a person, and you tell him, and he's ok with it... but he's "trying" to like you?
Well whatever it's called, it isn't exactly an awesome place to be.

There is no dreamy romance with the puky, cheesy dialogues..  no random notes telling you how much you've been missed... and life is normal.

There are no meaningful "i love you"s.. and when there are, it only leaves you puzzled.

But this dull ache.... It's something that won't leave you alone even when you're asleep.

This is why physical pain is better. You can sedate it when it gets too much for you.
You can bandage the wound, and put in some medicine.
You know that however huge the gash, it will heal, and in considerably little time. You know that physical wounds don't take years to heal, unless they be broken bones.

But what do you do with a heart that bleeds? how do you make it stop? How do you not feel the pain?

God, help me.